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Alternative Facts

Have you heard the two-word phrase “alternative facts?” I find the idea simultaneously humorous and troubling. The dictionary definition of the word “fact” is “a thing that is indisputably the case.” Synonyms include reality, actuality, and certainty. With that in mind, what are “alternative facts?”

Let’s give credit to Kellyanne Conway for the phrase “alternative facts.” As a counselor to President Donald Trump, she used the phrase on a TV interview last year on “Meet the Press.” When I first heard the phrase, I did a double take. I laughed and said to myself: “Did she really just say alternative facts?” Yes, she did, and some people are actually doubling down and remaining committed to the concept.

Recently, President Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani said this in an interview: “Truth isn’t truth.” So now are we supposed to believe that there are “alternative facts” because the “truth isn’t truth?”

I propose we clear this up with an idea offered by Sir Winston Churchill:
“The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.”

It’s hard to beat that. Old Winston had a way with words!

The purpose of writing this blog is to provide encouragement to search for the truth rather than opinions and/or political manipulation. A search for the facts leads to great benefits and advancement. So if you are in search of the truth, keep looking. Never be quick to accept any opinion or point of view that is offered without evidence. As someone once said, “Don’t be a follower, be a student.” Listen to both sides of the argument and make up your own mind. Rely on the best information you can find. Use your best thinking. Perhaps even consider putting the phrases “alternative facts” and “truth isn’t truth” in the trash can where they belong.

Now let’s go get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Do You Create Your Own Reality?

How many times have you heard this said, “you create your own reality?” If you Google the phrase, you’ll find endless support for this popular idea. Do you believe it’s true? Do you indeed create your own reality? I used to accept this concept and even teach it, but not any longer. It fell apart for me after years of careful examination and study.

I’ve learned that it’s important to be open to challenging any and all beliefs, even if they appear to be sound at first glance. This is where lifelong learning comes into play. It takes courage to question an idea that you’ve been led to believe is true. Unfortunately, many people won’t even consider challenging their beliefs. Yet I’ve learned that anything worth believing must be able to withstand the assault of reason and science. A combination of reason and science always supports and enhances the best ideas.

Of course, all of us have beliefs that aren’t serving us. It’s easy to believe things that aren’t good for us or anyone else. I plead guilty to harboring more than my share of bad ideas. I’ve spent my life working on improving my beliefs while, at the same time, helping others to do the same. Luckily, I’ve been fortunate to find a few strategies that have proved helpful in this process.

Here are my three rules or strategies for examining beliefs:

  1. The Prime Directive– I never tell anyone what to believe. Period. I think of it like the old Star Trek Prime Directive Motto about not interfering with developing planets. However, if someone asks my opinion about a particular belief, I’m happy to offer my perspective on what I think the consequences of holding such a belief might be.
  2. The Belief Challenge– I love to question beliefs in search of the truth. I think the best any of us can do is to work relentlessly to get closer to the truth, knowing that the absolute truth may not be knowable right now. The best way I’ve found to determine if a belief needs to be eliminated or replaced is to examine if the belief is good for you, good for others, and serves the greater good. Many beliefs completely fall apart after a few questions in this regard, especially once you learn the consequences and ultimate outcome of beliefs. I like to say it this way: all beliefs have consequences. Do you know what the consequences of your current beliefs are? Where are your beliefs taking you?
  3. The Belief Substitution– I think, if possible, it’s best to replace a belief rather than just eliminate it. If a belief cannot pass the test of rigorous reason and analysis, it’s time to throw it out. However, it’s often better to replace a limiting belief with an empowering one as opposed just eliminating it. The loss of a belief can create a vacuum that is best filled with something better.

Let’s get back to the popular belief that you create your own reality. If this idea is true, why don’t you have everything that you want right now? Why isn’t your life exactly the way you want it down to the smallest detail? As an example, why are doctors of any kind necessary if you can simply wish away any mental or physical challenge you may have? Surely if you create your own reality, it follows that you can create whatever reality that you want including making yourself look, feel, think, and act in any way you wish. And money, that’s no problem, right? Just visualize the amount of money you want in your bank account, and you’re good to go.

Now if you’re thinking that you haven’t created your own reality yet but you just need more time, why? Doesn’t it follow that if you create your own reality, you control time along with everything else? If this is getting a bit absurd, then you can see where I’m going. If a belief cannot withstand the ongoing assault of logic, reason, and common sense, then there’s something wrong with it. In the case creating your own reality, it leads you down a path that involves “magical thinking.” While it may be fun to believe that you create your own reality, it can also be quite dangerous and destructive.

Think about it this way. If you create your own reality, then it follows that you have the ultimate super power. Forget about the other Marvel comic strip characters because with the ability to create your own reality, you control everything. Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Spider-Man, Thor, Iron Man, Captain Marvel, and all of the others need not apply. You’ve got it covered.

But alas, there is no evidence that a real super hero exists other than what I call “the best version of you” which doesn’t require any hocus pocus. All you need to be “the best version of you” is the courage to learn and apply a common sense set of rules and guidelines that produces real results.

Because I want to really drive home this point, here are two examples of the kind of damage I have observed in myself and others when magical thinking takes over:

  1. Believing that you create your own reality tends to develop deeper and deeper levels of unhappiness and inadequacy as you learn that you can’t turn all of your beliefs into reality. The worst part is when you beat yourself up because of what you might see as your failure to believe. You might even get the well-meaning, yet misdirected, advice to just try harder.
  2. Believing that you can create your own reality can lead you to waste valuable time wishing and hoping when what’s called for is clear thinking, strategic planning, and massive action. Don’t waste your life with magical thinking when intelligent thinking is the answer.

So, here’s my opportunity to help you eliminate this belief if you’re interested. Let me suggest a replacement belief. Read the following quote by Pierre Teilhard de Chardin and see what you think:

“Our duty, as men and women, is to proceed as if limits to our ability did not exist. We are collaborators in creation.”

Notice the difference between believing you create our own reality versus believing you are a collaborator in the creation process. I find the idea of being a collaborator in creation very empowering. Notice how it’s focused on stretching your abilities to the max while also suggesting that you are a creation collaborator. This idea proposes that you are capable of much more than you currently realize while also indicating that you are a member of a team. It’s not all about you. It says that your job is to continue to push the boundaries of what’s possible while working with others to do the same. It leads to questions like these: Are you pushing against your comfort zone with the best team you can find? If not, why not?

Write down the above quote and put it somewhere you can see it every day. Then the next time someone tries to convince you that you create your own reality, read the quote again. It is estimated that 100 billion people have appeared on planet earth; however, you are unique and special. No one exactly like you has ever before appeared on planet earth. Moreover, an exact copy of you is not possible because of your unique combination of genes, environment, and thoughts. You are a one-of-a-kind individual. That should provide you with all of the motivation you need to stay focused on discovering what I call your Unique Talent™ and then using that talent in the service of others. That’s what is most important and, moreover, I believe that is something you were born to do. Just remember to collaborate because the better your team, the better your results.

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When Self-Help is No Help

Although self-help principles and concepts can be enormously useful in helping you change your life for the better, I believe there are limits to how much you can achieve using self-help. Granted, you and you alone can do incredible things to improve your life. Nevertheless, you may find that depending solely on your own devices is not always the best path. Self-help can sometimes be wrought with built-in limits.

One limit in the area of mental health involves conditions like anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, and a host of other challenges. I shutter to think about the number of times I’ve heard and witnessed well-meaning self-help or personal development authors or speakers delve into areas where they lack the proper knowledge or training. I’m sure you’ve heard self-help “gurus” prescribe vacuous success quips and pollyannaish nonsense in situations where medical help would be the best answer.

I’ve had clients over the years where it was clear to me the challenges they were facing ran much deeper than finding your life’s purpose, changing your beliefs, setting goals that are attainable, reaching more financial success, or developing new strategies for your life and business. This is when self-help or life coaching may not be the right approach. Some problems require medical assistance, and  it’s important to recognize the difference and always err on the side of caution. Let’s use depression as an example as it comes up frequently.

Depression comes in many forms but let’s just consider two broad categories: (1) situational depression, and (2) clinical depression. As the name states, situational depression is situation based. Something has happened in your life that is a short-term, stress-type issue. Maybe something bad has happened and you need to find a healthy way to process it. Perhaps you need to change the situation or just change the way you think about the situation. Self-help, or a bit of coaching, might be useful in this case. So far, so good.

However, what if your depressed mood doesn’t get better in a few days? What if the situation gets better but your depression continues? It’s possible that you’ve stepped into the world of clinical depression.

Here’s an except from Medical News Today:

“Clinical depression is more severe than situational depression. It is also known as major depression or major depressive disorder. It is severe enough to interfere with daily life.”

“It is classified as a mood disorder and it typically involves chemical imbalances in the brain.”

“Clinical depression can have genetic origins or it may develop as a response to painful or stressful experiences or events, such as a major loss. These major life events can trigger negative emotions such as anger, disappointment, or frustration.”

“Depression can change the way a person thinks and how the body works.”

“Alcohol and drug abuse are also linked to clinical depression.”

Since the lines between situational and clinical depression can get blurry, I can understand why people can be confused. But again, it’s always best to err on the side of caution. If you are experiencing depression and it’s been more than a few days, stop the self-help and go get the right medical help.

I’m especially attuned to this topic because there is a history of mental health issues in my family. My mother suffered from depression and anxiety. My father battled substance abuse. And I lost one of my brothers, Paul, on Thanksgiving Day in 2015 as a result of his mental health challenges. His condition was so severe that he tried to take his own life several times. He finally decided to declare himself DNR (“Do Not Resuscitate”) and then refused to take his medications and also refused to eat or drink. Death was more appealing to Paul than the pain of living. So this issue is very real to me.

Are you experiencing any mental health challenges that are out of the reach of the latest self-help book, or a new-to-the-scene motivational speaker, or an exciting life coach? If self-help or pop-psychology isn’t working, the sooner you get medical help the better. Remember that all improvement begins by telling yourself the truth. So how are you doing, and how are you feeling? No, really, how are you feeling? The healing starts with the truth.

No matter what problems you may be facing, there is help available. Maybe a great life coach is all you need to help you see yourself from the outside looking in. Just make sure you choose the right person for your situation. We are all too close to ourselves to really see ourselves as we really are. Shakespeare captured this idea best when he wrote:

“The eye sees not itself but by reflection or of some other means.”

So get the right person to give you both an outside look and an inside look if necessary. Make sure that, if you need a complete inside look, you get the right professional with the best medical training. New discoveries are being made everyday. Never lose sight of help that might be closer than you think with your family and friends. Tell your family and friends how you feel, and always remember to keep the faith. The help you need is available, and it’s within reach.

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The Best New Year’s Resolution Ever

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions or do you consider them a waste of time?

A recent survey showed that 45% of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions while 73% give up on their resolutions before reaching them. The top four resolutions most people make in order of priority include weight loss and financial gain followed by exercise (to help with the weight loss) and getting a new job (to help with the financial gain).

After reading the survey, I decided to give this business of New Year’s Resolutions some thought to see if I could come up with something more interesting than the standard resolutions. I wanted to do something this year that would change my life starting on day one and return dividends everyday without fail. How about joining me in a different kind of New Year’s Resolution?

Here’s what I came up with:

FOCUS ON LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT EVERY DAY!

Now that may not seem like the greatest New Year’s Resolution ever but I’m willing to argue that it is.

The most profound truth in life is that we only get to live in the present moment, but we usually miss it because we’re ruminating over things that happened in the past or we’re thinking about something that might happen in the future. And, of course, while we are caught in the grips of the past and the future, we miss the most important experience in life and the only moment we get which is the present moment. If this sounds a bit abstract or overly philosophical, stay with me for moment as we explore this idea.

Begin this new path by resolving to experience more of your life by reminding yourself every day to live in the present moment. It only takes a moment … or perhaps a “present moment”. If you join me with this resolution, I can promise you that it won’t be easy but it has the potential to be the most important idea you ever learn in life. After all, we often use the word “enlightened” or “awakened” to describe individuals who have achieved this goal. But let’s not set the bar that high for this year. How about living in the present moment for at least one moment every day? That’s doable, right? And what if after a bit of practice this concept starts to really take hold in your life? Is there anything more important than being present for your life?

Don’t allow this concept to get too airy-fairy with too much spiritual woo-woo. That’s entirely unnecessary. Experiencing the present moment involves learning to wake up to the life you have in each moment. It involves being fully alive in the only time you are alive which is now. It’s not that you won’t be alive in the next moment or next day or next week or so on but when those moments occur it will be as a present moment.

Think about it this way. Your life equals the experiences you have lived combined with the emotions and feelings you attach to those experiences — i.e., life is a mixture of thoughts, emotions, and sensations including all sensory perceptions. Yet at the core of this is your consciousness or that part of you that is the witness experiencing what’s happening. So the best way to live requires you to be conscious and awake in the moment where everything takes place. Again, you are the consciousness behind your thoughts, emotions, and sensory perceptions but you have to be awake to not miss them.

Consider the fact that most people completely miss their life. How many people have you heard say, “I don’t know where the day went?” (Or, “I don’t know where my life went?”) Haven’t you noticed how most people live in a dream-like state where they are just going through the motions without really focusing on what’s happening or what’s most important in each moment?

Being conscious in the present moment is at the core of the human experience and it’s the core of who you are. Everything you most want in life is contained in the present moment. Most people say that they want to be happy but they don’t know how to find it or experience it. Here’s a clue, happiness can only be found in the present moment. You can’t be happy in the past or in the future but only in the present moment. In fact, you can’t experience anything in any place other than the present moment. If you think about something pleasurable from the past or something pleasurable in the future, the experience you are having is still in the present moment. You are remembering something or projecting something in the present moment.

Try this. Focus your attention on your breathing and the fact that you are alive and aware. Now you’re in the moment. Now let’s add who you are to this moment. Do you know who you are? Unfortunately, most people are never taught who they are but it’s simply this.

You are the consciousness that experiences the present moment. You don’t have to believe anything because you can experience this right now. The essence of who you are is the conscious being or witness of the present moment. That’s it.

This may not make much sense right now but resolve to focus on the present moment in this fashion once a day and then see what happens. If you become bored, you can always go back to focusing on the past or the future which isn’t all bad, especially if you resolve to learn from the past and invest what you learn into a more exciting future. But if you miss the present moment, you’ve missed what’s most important. It’s where you are right now and it’s the place where everything happens. When the director says “ACTION”, that’s the present moment.

Perhaps the best way to illustrate this is with an old story about two fish having a conversation about how to develop a better awareness of the essence of life – i.e., consciously experiencing their life. As the story goes, the enlightened fish is trying to explain the essence of life to his fellow fish who can best be described as a seeker who wants to be more alive and enlightened. The enlightened fish finally uses the word “water” to try to explain the world in which the fish live. The seeker fish doesn’t understand. It’s not making sense. As the seeker fish becomes more and more frustrated and confused he finally says to his enlightened teacher, “I don’t get it. Where is this water of which you speak?”

Water for a fish is like the air we breathe. We don’t usually think about it or even recognize that it’s there yet it is essential to our life. Take away air and we lose our life. The same can be said for awareness or consciousness which most of us rarely even consider. But without our awareness and consciousness of the moment, we are missing life. It is our ability to bring our minds to the present moment that is at the center of the life experience.

Without being conscious or aware of the moment, you are in a dream-like state in the past or the future. It’s your awareness of everything that is happening in your life right now that is the essential you. It’s your aliveness. It’s who you are. Take a moment every day and experience it.

There are infinite things to grab your attention and distract you from who you are. Yet the aliveness that exists inside of you is better than any distraction you will ever experience.

Try entering into the present moment today. And then try it again tomorrow. You may discover it is the secret to finding yourself and living your best life.

If you’d like a few simple steps to help you enter the present moment, try these:

1. Focus on your breathing by noticing the movement of the air flowing in and out of your body.

2. Notice your thoughts but don’t resist them or react to them. Just notice them.

3. Notice your emotions but again don’t resist them. Just notice them.

4. Notice all of the sensory perceptions both inside your body as well as outside your body such as sounds, smells, motions, etc.

5. Think about a moment when you have looked through a window at something outside but suddenly realized that you could also see your reflection through the window looking back at you as if looking in a mirror. Notice what that moment felt like to be the one who is observing while also being the observer. Now decide if you are the observed or the observer.

Remember you can always go back to thinking about the past or projecting yourself into the future anytime you wish. But why not try the present moment and see what changes you notice, and determine if those changes allow you to become more conscious, awake, and alive.