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New Year’s “NOT TO DO” Resolutions

Have you ever thought about having a “NOT TO DO” list as a part of your New Year’s Resolutions?

One of my yearend rituals that I share with clients involves writing a “NOT TO DO” list. It’s quite simple really. Make a list of 3 things you want to stop doing this year. That’s it. Not complicated. I find this idea surprises most people. It seems we have a tendency to think mostly in terms of what we need to start doing. But as with all things in life, turning around to look in the other direction can be very enlightening.

Consider this. The things that we are doing that we shouldn’t be doing are taking up valuable time, and our time on planet earth is limited. So another way of thinking about this idea is to ask yourself what things am I doing that are wasting my time and my life, precious time that could be spent doing what’s most important to me?

I believe the best use of our time is doing those activities that are directly related to our Unique Talent. However, it’s easy to start taking on projects and activities that have nothing to do with our Unique Talent if we’re not careful. Think of it this way: Your Unique Talent is your gift to the world. It is the most valuable service you can provide to others. Other than time spent with your family and friends, your Unique Talent is the best thing to focus on.

So with that in mind, what should you stop doing?

Because I believe one should eat his or her own cooking, these are 3 things that I added to my current New Years “NOT TO DO” Resolutions:

  1. Stop all manner of housework including any and all cleaning, straightening up, handyman stuff, yard work, remodeling, or property management. You get the idea. I admit that I’m already pretty good at this as my wife will attest, but I want to shut it down completely. I want to live my life as if I lived in a fine hotel with everything provided. Because my wife will read this, I better be clear that I don’t want her doing anything that she doesn’t want to do. My goal is to hirer people who love doing what needs to be done. Yes, some people have a Unique Talent for cleaning, home repair, yard word, remodeling … you name it. I don’t want to take this work away from them because we both know I’m not going to do a good job at these things anyway because my heart isn’t in it. So the key is to spend more time on my areas of Unique Talent. That’s the best way I can serve others.
  1. Stop vacationing at home. I’m embarrassed to admit this to you. I spent some of my vacation time last year at home. To be clear, I was indeed vacationing and not working, but staying home doesn’t cut the mustard. We all need stimulation and change, which includes giving ourselves the chance to see and experience other places. It’s good for us and helps us grow. Luckily, I do get to travel a lot for work but work doesn’t count. While I have been fortunate to travel all over the world, I need to do more traveling where there is no work of any kind involved. Just wandering around this beautiful, blue island in space is one of the most life enriching and mind expanding things you can do. So for me it’s time to take out the old list of places I’d like to visit and start crossing travel destinations off the list. Come join me, won’t you?

(You may think I’m joking about this last one but I’m dead serious. Seriously!)

  1. Stop spending the Christmas and New Years holidays in Michigan. Allow me to confess that I don’t always spend the holidays in Michigan. I’ve been to many destinations for the holidays including Caribbean cruises and trips to numerous warm-weather locations, but this year I ended up in Michigan. Our house was filled to overflowing with relatives from all parts of the world, and it was a merry time for all. But it reminded me again that I don’t like the winter. In fact, I’ve never really liked the winter. Sorry it’s just me. I grew up in Nebraska, spent many years in Illinois, and then settled in Michigan to open up my own business, all places with full-blown, arctic winter seasons. (What was I thinking?) It wasn’t until I bought a second home in Florida that I realized that winter is not a time of punishment inflicted upon me as a penance. But alas, I reluctantly agreed to spending the holidays in Michigan this year without remembering the extent of my aversion to the cold and grey days. Now, don’t get me wrong, Michigan is a wonderful place, most of the year. It’s just that in my book Florida beats Michigan in the winter hands down. It’s not even a close race. Therefore, it’s time to resolve to spend no more winters in Michigan. It’s an official NOT TO DO now. I was so cold during the holidays this year that I couldn’t even think about my Unique Talent. When a relative mentioned that the driveway needed a bit of snow shoveling upon returning from an errand, I quickly began giving a Unique Talent Seminar in my garage to change the subject but it was too cold to finish it. I love Michigan, just not in the winter, please. (I’m now catching the first flight to Florida!)

There you have it. Three things that I need to stop doing. How about creating your own list? I promise you that you are doing things that can be ignored, delegated, or transformed into something better. If you come across something that you don’t want to do anymore but you think it can’t be avoided, don’t lose heart. Maybe it will take you longer than a year to make the change but once you begin, the momentum will build.

Happy New Year!

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The Best New Year’s Resolution Ever

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions or do you consider them a waste of time?

A recent survey showed that 45% of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions while 73% give up on their resolutions before reaching them. The top four resolutions most people make in order of priority include weight loss and financial gain followed by exercise (to help with the weight loss) and getting a new job (to help with the financial gain).

After reading the survey, I decided to give this business of New Year’s Resolutions some thought to see if I could come up with something more interesting than the standard resolutions. I wanted to do something this year that would change my life starting on day one and return dividends everyday without fail. How about joining me in a different kind of New Year’s Resolution?

Here’s what I came up with:


Now that may not seem like the greatest New Year’s Resolution ever but I’m willing to argue that it is.

The most profound truth in life is that we only get to live in the present moment, but we usually miss it because we’re ruminating over things that happened in the past or we’re thinking about something that might happen in the future. And, of course, while we are caught in the grips of the past and the future, we miss the most important experience in life and the only moment we get which is the present moment. If this sounds a bit abstract or overly philosophical, stay with me for moment as we explore this idea.

Begin this new path by resolving to experience more of your life by reminding yourself every day to live in the present moment. It only takes a moment … or perhaps a “present moment”. If you join me with this resolution, I can promise you that it won’t be easy but it has the potential to be the most important idea you ever learn in life. After all, we often use the word “enlightened” or “awakened” to describe individuals who have achieved this goal. But let’s not set the bar that high for this year. How about living in the present moment for at least one moment every day? That’s doable, right? And what if after a bit of practice this concept starts to really take hold in your life? Is there anything more important than being present for your life?

Don’t allow this concept to get too airy-fairy with too much spiritual woo-woo. That’s entirely unnecessary. Experiencing the present moment involves learning to wake up to the life you have in each moment. It involves being fully alive in the only time you are alive which is now. It’s not that you won’t be alive in the next moment or next day or next week or so on but when those moments occur it will be as a present moment.

Think about it this way. Your life equals the experiences you have lived combined with the emotions and feelings you attach to those experiences — i.e., life is a mixture of thoughts, emotions, and sensations including all sensory perceptions. Yet at the core of this is your consciousness or that part of you that is the witness experiencing what’s happening. So the best way to live requires you to be conscious and awake in the moment where everything takes place. Again, you are the consciousness behind your thoughts, emotions, and sensory perceptions but you have to be awake to not miss them.

Consider the fact that most people completely miss their life. How many people have you heard say, “I don’t know where the day went?” (Or, “I don’t know where my life went?”) Haven’t you noticed how most people live in a dream-like state where they are just going through the motions without really focusing on what’s happening or what’s most important in each moment?

Being conscious in the present moment is at the core of the human experience and it’s the core of who you are. Everything you most want in life is contained in the present moment. Most people say that they want to be happy but they don’t know how to find it or experience it. Here’s a clue, happiness can only be found in the present moment. You can’t be happy in the past or in the future but only in the present moment. In fact, you can’t experience anything in any place other than the present moment. If you think about something pleasurable from the past or something pleasurable in the future, the experience you are having is still in the present moment. You are remembering something or projecting something in the present moment.

Try this. Focus your attention on your breathing and the fact that you are alive and aware. Now you’re in the moment. Now let’s add who you are to this moment. Do you know who you are? Unfortunately, most people are never taught who they are but it’s simply this.

You are the consciousness that experiences the present moment. You don’t have to believe anything because you can experience this right now. The essence of who you are is the conscious being or witness of the present moment. That’s it.

This may not make much sense right now but resolve to focus on the present moment in this fashion once a day and then see what happens. If you become bored, you can always go back to focusing on the past or the future which isn’t all bad, especially if you resolve to learn from the past and invest what you learn into a more exciting future. But if you miss the present moment, you’ve missed what’s most important. It’s where you are right now and it’s the place where everything happens. When the director says “ACTION”, that’s the present moment.

Perhaps the best way to illustrate this is with an old story about two fish having a conversation about how to develop a better awareness of the essence of life – i.e., consciously experiencing their life. As the story goes, the enlightened fish is trying to explain the essence of life to his fellow fish who can best be described as a seeker who wants to be more alive and enlightened. The enlightened fish finally uses the word “water” to try to explain the world in which the fish live. The seeker fish doesn’t understand. It’s not making sense. As the seeker fish becomes more and more frustrated and confused he finally says to his enlightened teacher, “I don’t get it. Where is this water of which you speak?”

Water for a fish is like the air we breathe. We don’t usually think about it or even recognize that it’s there yet it is essential to our life. Take away air and we lose our life. The same can be said for awareness or consciousness which most of us rarely even consider. But without our awareness and consciousness of the moment, we are missing life. It is our ability to bring our minds to the present moment that is at the center of the life experience.

Without being conscious or aware of the moment, you are in a dream-like state in the past or the future. It’s your awareness of everything that is happening in your life right now that is the essential you. It’s your aliveness. It’s who you are. Take a moment every day and experience it.

There are infinite things to grab your attention and distract you from who you are. Yet the aliveness that exists inside of you is better than any distraction you will ever experience.

Try entering into the present moment today. And then try it again tomorrow. You may discover it is the secret to finding yourself and living your best life.

If you’d like a few simple steps to help you enter the present moment, try these:

1. Focus on your breathing by noticing the movement of the air flowing in and out of your body.

2. Notice your thoughts but don’t resist them or react to them. Just notice them.

3. Notice your emotions but again don’t resist them. Just notice them.

4. Notice all of the sensory perceptions both inside your body as well as outside your body such as sounds, smells, motions, etc.

5. Think about a moment when you have looked through a window at something outside but suddenly realized that you could also see your reflection through the window looking back at you as if looking in a mirror. Notice what that moment felt like to be the one who is observing while also being the observer. Now decide if you are the observed or the observer.

Remember you can always go back to thinking about the past or projecting yourself into the future anytime you wish. But why not try the present moment and see what changes you notice, and determine if those changes allow you to become more conscious, awake, and alive.