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Alternative Facts

Have you heard the two-word phrase “alternative facts?” I find the idea simultaneously humorous and troubling. The dictionary definition of the word “fact” is “a thing that is indisputably the case.” Synonyms include reality, actuality, and certainty. With that in mind, what are “alternative facts?”

Let’s give credit to Kellyanne Conway for the phrase “alternative facts.” As a counselor to President Donald Trump, she used the phrase on a TV interview last year on “Meet the Press.” When I first heard the phrase, I did a double take. I laughed and said to myself: “Did she really just say alternative facts?” Yes, she did, and some people are actually doubling down and remaining committed to the concept.

Recently, President Trump’s personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani said this in an interview: “Truth isn’t truth.” So now are we supposed to believe that there are “alternative facts” because the “truth isn’t truth?”

I propose we clear this up with an idea offered by Sir Winston Churchill:
“The truth is incontrovertible. Malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end, there it is.”

It’s hard to beat that. Old Winston had a way with words!

The purpose of writing this blog is to provide encouragement to search for the truth rather than opinions and/or political manipulation. A search for the facts leads to great benefits and advancement. So if you are in search of the truth, keep looking. Never be quick to accept any opinion or point of view that is offered without evidence. As someone once said, “Don’t be a follower, be a student.” Listen to both sides of the argument and make up your own mind. Rely on the best information you can find. Use your best thinking. Perhaps even consider putting the phrases “alternative facts” and “truth isn’t truth” in the trash can where they belong.

Now let’s go get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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The Limits of Self-Help

Are you interested in self-help? Have you ever read a self-help book, listened to a self-help program, or attended a self-help seminar? I can’t imagine that you are reading this blog if self-help is not a huge priority in your life. In other words, I’ll bet you’re a person who is interested in self-guided improvement be it intellectually, economically, physically, or emotionally. You want to improve and you want to be in the driver’s seat of making that improvement. Am I right?

You want to control your life. You want to make your life better. You want to direct your next breakthrough and be responsible for the next personal and professional transformations that you need in order to reach the next level of success. You want to summon the iron will and steadfast courage to overcome the obstacles that stand in your way.

I can promise you that this is exactly who I am. I’ve been hooked on self-help ever since I learned I could make a difference in how my life turns out. From the moment I learned that I could make choices, the game of self-help was on. I wanted to make the best choices, and I wanted to win the game. I was ready to play. I was all in.

I instinctively knew how the game was to be played. It is based on a very simple idea. The fundamental belief of self-help is the belief that you can make yourself better. That’s it, and I agree.

Now here’s the question: Can this idea be taken too far? I’ve learned in my own life that it can. In fact, I’m embarrassed to tell you that while I have worked extremely hard to make everything about my life the best it could possibly be, the major advances that I’ve made have come from others helping me. It’s true. My major successes have come from Other-Help, not Self-Help.

Now I don’t want to say that I haven’t played a major role in this game I’m playing called MY LIFE, but I’m saying that self-help is not enough, not nearly enough. My guess is that self-help has not helped you through the most difficult times in your life such as those times when everything just fell apart and you were so disillusioned that you didn’t know what to do or where to turn. Haven’t you had times when you’ve been so lost and alone that you couldn’t decide what to do next? If not, then you may be an alien or you may have some special super powers I’ve never witnessed in anyone that I’ve ever met or read about, and that’s a lot of people.

I’m willing to bet that you understand what I’m talking about in terms of the fact that self-help can only take you so far in life. Self-help does indeed have its limits. It’s not enough to get you where you want to go and it most certainly will not provide you with the lasting achievement and fulfillment that you desire.

Self-help is definitely part of the formula involved in getting what you want but without the help of others, the game is over. The victory is both lost and hollow no matter what the achievement.

My suggestion is to make a list of the people who have helped you the most in your life. After each of their names, write down what they’ve done for you. Just this simple exercise will lead you to the underlying truth behind the game of life, which is this: Life is a team sport, and you can’t win a team sport by yourself!

So let’s add more people to your list who you may have never considered. For example, what about all of those opponents you’ve faced in your life? Did any of them make it on the list of people who have helped you in life? Why or why not?

Haven’t the people who challenged you the most also caused you to grow the most? How about writing down the names of your so-called “adversaries” along with a list of what they “helped” you learn and achieve. It’s been said that we learn more from failure than we do from success. Why? Because while we celebrate in some way when we achieve something, it’s when we fail that we are forced to ponder. What happened? Why did I miss my target? How can I get back on the right track? What can I learn from what happened? I know that I can succeed, so what’s the answer that I need? What else can I read or who can I ask for help? Asking questions leads to answers, and it often takes failure to get us to ask the questions we need to succeed.

As is so often the case in life, a change in perspective is needed when we miss one of our goals, and maybe it’s time to rethink self-help alone. It’s refreshing to turn things around now and then and look at life from a different perspective. There’s no need to stop studying self-help principles, just don’t limit yourself because there are a lot of people who can help you if you’ll only ask. You can also expand your reading to include books with the topic “Other-Help” to your library. That may not be a category in the bookstore but you can start with biographies and autobiographies of what people did who achieved what you want to achieve, and maybe you can even meet those people. The answers are always within reach and others will help. People are standing by to help you if you’ll only ask.

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Three Steps to Solve ANY Problem

Do you have a problem that you’d like to solve?

Here’s a simple three-step formula that never fails:

  1. Define the problem as precisely as possible.
  2. Visualize what the problem will look like when solved.
  3. Take daily steps toward your vision.

Perhaps that seems overly simplistic; however, I’ve never had anyone give me a better formula. The truth is that we are always either in a problem, we just got out of a problem, or we are heading straight toward a problem. Those are the only three options we are ever handed while traveling on this beautiful blue, island in space. This means that we’d better have a system or formula for dealing with problems or we are going to spend a great deal of our life in constant frustration.

When a problem confronts us, we are often caught off guard and begin to think that something totally unique has crossed our path. But that’s not the case. Our ancestors have been solving problems for thousands of years or we wouldn’t even be here. So our job is to solve the problems that face us so the next generation can stand firmly on our shoulders and keep the process moving forward.

So what is the biggest problem you are currently facing? Do you wonder if it can be solved? It can, but it might just take some laser beam focus and determination to get the job done. We know that problems are a constant in life and we also know how to solve problems by using this simple formula, so let’s dig in a bit deeper to see what kind of problem might be standing in our way.

The first thing I like to do when presented with a problem is see it as clearly as possible and also decide if it is a convergent problem or a divergent problem. In other words, is the problem one where a single, correct answer can be found or is it one where many possible solutions are available?

Convergent problems are solved when you converge on the correct answer. It’s like the solution to a math problem. Two plus two always equals four. That was the solution yesterday and today and it will certainly be the solution tomorrow. Convergent problems have systematic and logical answers that solve the problem every time.

Divergent problems, on the other hand, diverge or can go off in many directions. These kinds of problems have multiple solutions and require new, original, unique, or free-flowing solutions. Marriage is a great example of a divergent problem. What works today to keep a marriage vibrant and happy might not work tomorrow. And, more importantly, there are no singular answers that will work every time. Anyone who is in a successful marriage knows that it requires constant work.

So what about the problem you are currently facing, is there a single answer that will work if you discover it? Or do you need a range of options to choose from in order to whip the problem? Most problems facing us are divergent problems that require spontaneity and creativity.

I’ve spent my life working with entrepreneurs which is something that I thoroughly enjoy. I often point out to my clients that they are unique in the way they make a living and spend their days. While most people have a set schedule, prearranged relationships, and constraints on the amount of money they can make depending on their exact position or job, entrepreneurs have much more control. They get to choose their schedule and how they use their time. They get to choose the people they will do business with, and they also get to choose how much money they will make by virtue of the way they choose to run their business.

When you control your time, relationships, and money, your options in life are greatly expanded; however, you still have plenty of problems to solve and that includes a seemingly endless supply of divergent problems that require creative thinking.

Luckily, human beings are built for creative thinking. It’s literally in our DNA. We are designed to solve problems and solve them we do. Write down your currently problem and define it with as much clarity as possible. Look at it from every possible angle until you can see it in its entirely. Once you’ve done that, sit back and daydream about ways in which your problem could be solved. What would your problem look like if solved? See your life without your problem. What does that look like? What does it feel like?

It’s been said that whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. If that’s true, then it’s true for you and your problem. So see the solution in your mind like an already accomplished fact. See yourself celebrating the fact that you’ve solved your problem. Now you’ve taken charge of the situation.

All you have to do now is begin moving every day toward that vision in your mind. All you have to do is one thing at a time in the order of its importance to you and the solution of your problem. If you keep at it for a sufficient amount of time, you’ll wake up one fine morning to the realization that your problem is solved. But don’t stop there. Now it’s time for another problem because you are a problem solver. That means you need a problem to solve because that’s what successful human beings do. So decide what your next breakthrough is going to be. It may involve some problems but you already know how to solve them, right? The secret is that simple three-step formula: (1) define your problem, (2) visualize a solution, and (3) take daily steps toward the solution. For good measure, add a bit of persistence and determination and you’ll defeat whatever problem stands in your way.

Life becomes infinitely more rewarding and exciting when you know how to play the game. So carefully choose your next move and remember to enjoy the journey!

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New Year’s “NOT TO DO” Resolutions

Have you ever thought about having a “NOT TO DO” list as a part of your New Year’s Resolutions?

One of my yearend rituals that I share with clients involves writing a “NOT TO DO” list. It’s quite simple really. Make a list of 3 things you want to stop doing this year. That’s it. Not complicated. I find this idea surprises most people. It seems we have a tendency to think mostly in terms of what we need to start doing. But as with all things in life, turning around to look in the other direction can be very enlightening.

Consider this. The things that we are doing that we shouldn’t be doing are taking up valuable time, and our time on planet earth is limited. So another way of thinking about this idea is to ask yourself what things am I doing that are wasting my time and my life, precious time that could be spent doing what’s most important to me?

I believe the best use of our time is doing those activities that are directly related to our Unique Talent™. However, it’s easy to start taking on projects and activities that have nothing to do with our Unique Talent™ if we’re not careful. Think of it this way: Your Unique Talent™ is your gift to the world. It is the most valuable service you can provide to others. Other than time spent with your family and friends, your Unique Talent™ is the best thing to focus on.

So with that in mind, what should you stop doing?

Because I believe one should eat his or her own cooking, these are 3 things that I added to my current New Years “NOT TO DO” Resolutions:

  1. Stop all manner of housework including any and all cleaning, straightening up, handyman stuff, yard work, remodeling, or property management. You get the idea. I admit that I’m already pretty good at this as my wife will attest, but I want to shut it down completely. I want to live my life as if I lived in a fine hotel with everything provided. Because my wife will read this, I better be clear that I don’t want her doing anything that she doesn’t want to do. My goal is to hirer people who love doing what needs to be done. Yes, some people have a Unique Talent™ for cleaning, home repair, yard word, remodeling … you name it. I don’t want to take this work away from them because we both know I’m not going to do a good job at these things anyway because my heart isn’t in it. So the key is to spend more time on my areas of Unique Talent™. That’s the best way I can serve others.
  1. Stop vacationing at home. I’m embarrassed to admit this to you. I spent some of my vacation time last year at home. To be clear, I was indeed vacationing and not working, but staying home doesn’t cut the mustard. We all need stimulation and change, which includes giving ourselves the chance to see and experience other places. It’s good for us and helps us grow. Luckily, I do get to travel a lot for work but work doesn’t count. While I have been fortunate to travel all over the world, I need to do more traveling where there is no work of any kind involved. Just wandering around this beautiful, blue island in space is one of the most life enriching and mind expanding things you can do. So for me it’s time to take out the old list of places I’d like to visit and start crossing travel destinations off the list. Come join me, won’t you?

(You may think I’m joking about this last one but I’m dead serious. Seriously!)

  1. Stop spending the Christmas and New Years holidays in Michigan. Allow me to confess that I don’t always spend the holidays in Michigan. I’ve been to many destinations for the holidays including Caribbean cruises and trips to numerous warm-weather locations, but this year I ended up in Michigan. Our house was filled to overflowing with relatives from all parts of the world, and it was a merry time for all. But it reminded me again that I don’t like the winter. In fact, I’ve never really liked the winter. Sorry it’s just me. I grew up in Nebraska, spent many years in Illinois, and then settled in Michigan to open up my own business, all places with full-blown, arctic winter seasons. (What was I thinking?) It wasn’t until I bought a second home in Florida that I realized that winter is not a time of punishment inflicted upon me as a penance. But alas, I reluctantly agreed to spending the holidays in Michigan this year without remembering the extent of my aversion to the cold and grey days. Now, don’t get me wrong, Michigan is a wonderful place, most of the year. It’s just that in my book Florida beats Michigan in the winter hands down. It’s not even a close race. Therefore, it’s time to resolve to spend no more winters in Michigan. It’s an official NOT TO DO now. I was so cold during the holidays this year that I couldn’t even think about my Unique Talent™. When a relative mentioned that the driveway needed a bit of snow shoveling upon returning from an errand, I quickly began giving a Unique Talent™ Seminar in my garage to change the subject but it was too cold to finish it. I love Michigan, just not in the winter, please. (I’m now catching the first flight to Florida!)

There you have it. Three things that I need to stop doing. How about creating your own list? I promise you that you are doing things that can be ignored, delegated, or transformed into something better. If you come across something that you don’t want to do anymore but you think it can’t be avoided, don’t lose heart. Maybe it will take you longer than a year to make the change but once you begin, the momentum will build.

Happy New Year!

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The Best New Year’s Resolution Ever

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions or do you consider them a waste of time?

A recent survey showed that 45% of Americans make New Year’s Resolutions while 73% give up on their resolutions before reaching them. The top four resolutions most people make in order of priority include weight loss and financial gain followed by exercise (to help with the weight loss) and getting a new job (to help with the financial gain).

After reading the survey, I decided to give this business of New Year’s Resolutions some thought to see if I could come up with something more interesting than the standard resolutions. I wanted to do something this year that would change my life starting on day one and return dividends everyday without fail. How about joining me in a different kind of New Year’s Resolution?

Here’s what I came up with:

FOCUS ON LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT EVERY DAY!

Now that may not seem like the greatest New Year’s Resolution ever but I’m willing to argue that it is.

The most profound truth in life is that we only get to live in the present moment, but we usually miss it because we’re ruminating over things that happened in the past or we’re thinking about something that might happen in the future. And, of course, while we are caught in the grips of the past and the future, we miss the most important experience in life and the only moment we get which is the present moment. If this sounds a bit abstract or overly philosophical, stay with me for moment as we explore this idea.

Begin this new path by resolving to experience more of your life by reminding yourself every day to live in the present moment. It only takes a moment … or perhaps a “present moment”. If you join me with this resolution, I can promise you that it won’t be easy but it has the potential to be the most important idea you ever learn in life. After all, we often use the word “enlightened” or “awakened” to describe individuals who have achieved this goal. But let’s not set the bar that high for this year. How about living in the present moment for at least one moment every day? That’s doable, right? And what if after a bit of practice this concept starts to really take hold in your life? Is there anything more important than being present for your life?

Don’t allow this concept to get too airy-fairy with too much spiritual woo-woo. That’s entirely unnecessary. Experiencing the present moment involves learning to wake up to the life you have in each moment. It involves being fully alive in the only time you are alive which is now. It’s not that you won’t be alive in the next moment or next day or next week or so on but when those moments occur it will be as a present moment.

Think about it this way. Your life equals the experiences you have lived combined with the emotions and feelings you attach to those experiences — i.e., life is a mixture of thoughts, emotions, and sensations including all sensory perceptions. Yet at the core of this is your consciousness or that part of you that is the witness experiencing what’s happening. So the best way to live requires you to be conscious and awake in the moment where everything takes place. Again, you are the consciousness behind your thoughts, emotions, and sensory perceptions but you have to be awake to not miss them.

Consider the fact that most people completely miss their life. How many people have you heard say, “I don’t know where the day went?” (Or, “I don’t know where my life went?”) Haven’t you noticed how most people live in a dream-like state where they are just going through the motions without really focusing on what’s happening or what’s most important in each moment?

Being conscious in the present moment is at the core of the human experience and it’s the core of who you are. Everything you most want in life is contained in the present moment. Most people say that they want to be happy but they don’t know how to find it or experience it. Here’s a clue, happiness can only be found in the present moment. You can’t be happy in the past or in the future but only in the present moment. In fact, you can’t experience anything in any place other than the present moment. If you think about something pleasurable from the past or something pleasurable in the future, the experience you are having is still in the present moment. You are remembering something or projecting something in the present moment.

Try this. Focus your attention on your breathing and the fact that you are alive and aware. Now you’re in the moment. Now let’s add who you are to this moment. Do you know who you are? Unfortunately, most people are never taught who they are but it’s simply this.

You are the consciousness that experiences the present moment. You don’t have to believe anything because you can experience this right now. The essence of who you are is the conscious being or witness of the present moment. That’s it.

This may not make much sense right now but resolve to focus on the present moment in this fashion once a day and then see what happens. If you become bored, you can always go back to focusing on the past or the future which isn’t all bad, especially if you resolve to learn from the past and invest what you learn into a more exciting future. But if you miss the present moment, you’ve missed what’s most important. It’s where you are right now and it’s the place where everything happens. When the director says “ACTION”, that’s the present moment.

Perhaps the best way to illustrate this is with an old story about two fish having a conversation about how to develop a better awareness of the essence of life – i.e., consciously experiencing their life. As the story goes, the enlightened fish is trying to explain the essence of life to his fellow fish who can best be described as a seeker who wants to be more alive and enlightened. The enlightened fish finally uses the word “water” to try to explain the world in which the fish live. The seeker fish doesn’t understand. It’s not making sense. As the seeker fish becomes more and more frustrated and confused he finally says to his enlightened teacher, “I don’t get it. Where is this water of which you speak?”

Water for a fish is like the air we breathe. We don’t usually think about it or even recognize that it’s there yet it is essential to our life. Take away air and we lose our life. The same can be said for awareness or consciousness which most of us rarely even consider. But without our awareness and consciousness of the moment, we are missing life. It is our ability to bring our minds to the present moment that is at the center of the life experience.

Without being conscious or aware of the moment, you are in a dream-like state in the past or the future. It’s your awareness of everything that is happening in your life right now that is the essential you. It’s your aliveness. It’s who you are. Take a moment every day and experience it.

There are infinite things to grab your attention and distract you from who you are. Yet the aliveness that exists inside of you is better than any distraction you will ever experience.

Try entering into the present moment today. And then try it again tomorrow. You may discover it is the secret to finding yourself and living your best life.

If you’d like a few simple steps to help you enter the present moment, try these:

1. Focus on your breathing by noticing the movement of the air flowing in and out of your body.

2. Notice your thoughts but don’t resist them or react to them. Just notice them.

3. Notice your emotions but again don’t resist them. Just notice them.

4. Notice all of the sensory perceptions both inside your body as well as outside your body such as sounds, smells, motions, etc.

5. Think about a moment when you have looked through a window at something outside but suddenly realized that you could also see your reflection through the window looking back at you as if looking in a mirror. Notice what that moment felt like to be the one who is observing while also being the observer. Now decide if you are the observed or the observer.

Remember you can always go back to thinking about the past or projecting yourself into the future anytime you wish. But why not try the present moment and see what changes you notice, and determine if those changes allow you to become more conscious, awake, and alive.